Motivation Letter What Do You Think?

chabby wrote: 12/08/2013 at 5:29pm

cover letter what do you think?


Hi,

I’m going to start a new school year and in order to finance my studies, I’m going to (a bit like everyone else) try to find a job next door. There’s a Mcdo near my house, so I’d like to apply there.

Tell me what you think? (in substance and form)

Mcdonald’s Motivation Letter:

Madam, Sir

I am currently a second year medical student and would like to join your team. That is why I am applying for a crew position at your Mcdonald’s restaurant.

Why Mcdonald’s? First of all, since high school I have been one of your loyal customers, I like the atmosphere and the quality of the staff. Last but not least, it will help me partly to finance my studies.

During the summer holidays 2009 to 2011 I had a first professional experience as a shopkeeper and during the summer holidays 2012 I did a one month internship in a hospital so all my experiences seem to me beneficial to practice with you.

Indeed, I have acquired a special relationship with the client, the hierarchy and I have learned that rigour and punctuality are essential to the smooth running of a team.

With a very smiling, enthusiastic, rigorous nature, I like teamwork, dynamic work and contact with the client, which would allow me to occupy this position in the best conditions because I have a great capacity to adapt and I am highly motivated to learn quickly, discover and participate.

I will be able to fulfill my mission, which will be to satisfy the customer by carrying out the tasks of preparation, production, cleaning and counter service, in accordance with the standards in force at your company.

I am available during the first semester (September – December) all afternoons and weekends during the day and therefore I would be interested in a job of 20 hours per week.

I am of course at your disposal for any further information you may require.

I look forward to receiving a favourable reply.

Thank you in advance for your answers
:ccool:
.

bob633 wrote: 12/08/2013 at 6:02pm

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Good morning

You’re on a computer forum so between medicine and Mcdo, I’m not sure I’ll find
:aie:
computing there.

To get back to your letter, so as not to just show my little displeasure
:mouarf:

I would like to be part of your team. That’s why I am applying for a position as a crew member in your Mcdonald’s restaurant .

I don’t really like that soliciting expression…

and the quality to his of the staff.

Talking about quality and personnel in a Mcdo shows that you don’t know much about the Mcdo environment
:mrgreen:
Finally it’s a letter from Motiv … watch your back, I guess you wanted to put boob on.

Avoid sentences that are too long, so you don’t have to put “and” everywhere:

as trader and during the summer holidays 2012

all afternoons and on weekends and so I would be interested in a job of 20 hours a week

Next,

the best conditions because I have a great capacity of adaptation

:aie:

It’s a bit of a mess, but these are the things that have stuck with me the most … I’m not an expert in spelling either, but I think there’s quite a few
:mrgreen:

EDIT: In this sentence:

With a very smiling, enthusiastic, rigorous nature, I like teamwork, dynamic work and contact with the client, which would allow me to occupy this position in the best conditions because I have a great capacity to adapt and I am highly motivated to learn quickly, discover and participate.

There are enumerations, ands, and related words like this because … and especially very long. It’s the kind of sentence that you skip when reading because it’s too pungent
:calim2:

:aie:

chabby wrote: 12/08/2013 at 8:26pm.

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Thank you for your answer bob633, and sorry indeed I’m in the wrong forum
:oops:

Here’s the change:

Madam, Sir

Currently a second year medical student, I would like to join your team, so I am applying for a position as a crew member at your Mcdonald’s restaurant.

Why Mcdonald’s? First of all, since high school I have been one of your loyal customers, I like the atmosphere and the friendliness there. Last but not least, it will help me partly to finance my studies.

During the summer holidays from 2009 to 2011 I had a first professional experience as a shopkeeper, I had to run a fruit and vegetable stand. During the 2012 summer holidays I did a one-month internship in a hospital. So all my experiences seem to me beneficial to practice with you.

Indeed, I have acquired a special relationship with the client, the hierarchy and I have learned that rigour and punctuality are essential to the smooth running of a team.

A very smiling, enthusiastic, rigorous natural.

I like teamwork, dynamic work and contact with the client.

I am very adaptable and highly motivated to learn quickly, discover and participate. This would allow me to occupy this position under the best conditions.

I will be able to fulfill my primary mission, which will be to satisfy the customer by performing the tasks of preparation, production, cleaning and counter service.

I am available during the first semester (September – December) all afternoons and weekends during the day. I’d be interested in a job that’s 20 hours a week.

I am of course at your disposal for any further information you may require.

I look forward to receiving a favourable reply.

and thanks again for your answer
:ccool:

bob633 wrote: 13/08/2013 at 12:14pm

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Most importantly, it will help me in part to finance my studies.

Me not understand too much beginning sentence
:mrgreen:

During the summer holidays from 2009 to 2011 I had a first professional experience as a shopkeeper, I had to run a fruit and vegetable stand. During the 2012 summer holidays I did a one-month internship in a hospital. So all my experiences seem to me beneficial to practice with you.

Don’t you have your resume with your SCI? I wouldn’t put any dates on it personally… just describe what you did! The CV is there for the rest.

A very smiling, enthusiastic, rigorous natural.

I like teamwork, dynamic work and contact with the client.

When I said we should cut the sentences, I didn’t mean to put a period in the middle and capitalize it, I meant that the sentences should make sense … Here the first one has no interest as it is!

And to finish, correct all the mistakes
:)
You may not be an expert in spelling (I’m the first
:mouarf:
), but in an LM it n’t work even on Mac Do
;)
.

– wrote: 14/08/2013 at 10:02 AM

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In a cover letter you should always start by talking about the company, even for a McJob.

For example, it could be in response to your published job offer…, I’m offering you my application.

Or you tell what you know about McDonald’s, even if it’s gonna be a little hard on that place. Also check to see if you are applying at a franchise or at the McDonald’s box itself.

For the end:

I’m available… In the meantime I’m available to meet you at any time (yes, you have to offer the interview, even for a McJob).

And for the sake of politeness, don’t be peremptory, say:

Thank you for your attention to my proposal. Please accept, …

Last point: if possible, try to get a name in the restaurant where you are applying. If it’s a franchisee you can get it through a site like societe.com . That’s better.

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