Hear ye, hear ye! The honorable Lizzie – ex-felon, present grifter, and six-figure businesswoman extraordinaire – can be educating us this week about learn how to make $800Okay without ever leaving your prison cell. Or placing on a pair of underwear. Really, Love After Lockup is all about educating the plenty, incarcerated or not. And I, for one, am thankful for the within ideas.
Lizzie’s long-lost protege, Tracieisn’t faring so nicely in her current hustle, though. This week, we find out she’s in lockup again. However Clintever the very sluggish optimist, is all “MY GODDESS, I WILL WAIT FOR YOU FOREVER!” as he sits around fretting about her whereabouts and wiping snot on his sleeve. The actual sufferer of this clusterf**okay is Mom Clintwho can’t throw a collar on her grown-ass son and maintain him within electric fence ranges anymore. As an alternative, she tries to purpose with him. Since that is Clint she’s dealing with, this activity is principally Mission Freaking Unimaginable.
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Caitlin & Matt
Before we recap Clint’s nightmare, let’s verify in with Caitlin and Mattwho are apparently nonetheless doing the #NoShower2018 problem. Matt’s good friend, the hardcore vaping guy, takes him to a job interview for a development gig. The boss is an ex-con himself, so he’s open to giving different ex-cons an opportunity at rebuilding their lives. Just one drawback: Matt is an immature A-hole who has NO DESIRE to work. Additionally, he doesn’t need to get his fancy New Balances soiled (LOL!) when the boss asks him to prime the paint machine.
Boss man has completely no time for entitled, conceited, and – let’s just say it – extraordinarily silly guys like Matt. He’s all, “Okay, then! Good luck to you!” when Matt whines about doing even three seconds of labor. Matt instantly pops off at the man, yelling at him and calling him a sucker as he marches away…to the automotive that he doesn’t personal, to the house he doesn’t lease, back to the woman who he proposed to with a weed-ring, with empty pockets and a lacking tooth.
Yeah, okay. The man who runs his personal development company is the “sucker.”
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Caitlin tries to remind Matt that he’ll should do things he doesn’t like typically in life, particularly if it means he can get a paycheck. Matt makes excuses. He claims he can’t get one other felony by “knocking someone out” his first day on the job – as if that’s the only choice when somebody hurts his itty bitty emotions.
Caitlin appears to register that she’s not getting by means of to this idiot. So, she pipes down. But one query stays: Why isn’t SHE working? Where’s HER initiative? Because if she thinks this feckless dude is her ticket to a happily ever after, then we’ve got some extremely informative Scott and Lizzie footage to roll for her!
Scott & Lizzie
And here they’re, the completely satisfied couple…in church. And Lizzie brought each boobs out for the blessed occasion. Scottmeanwhile, apparently brought an excessive face/neck rash to the venue. Or all of this speak about marriage and wedding ceremony vows is causing him to interrupt out in a fast-moving case of Grayscale. #GameOfThrones4Eva
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In any case, Lizzie is all about appearing the part of blushing bride-to-be. She berates Scott for not with the ability to recite fake wedding ceremony vows on the spur of the moment whereas she spews some terrible Hallmark crap about him being her real love. Jazmynn is pissed off on the whole state of affairs. She tells Lizzie straight up that she’s making a huge mistake. Then, she confronts Scott about shifting too quick together with her mom.
Jazmynn’s considerations are legitimate, however she doesn’t appear to know that Scott – not Lizzie – is the actual collateral injury on this 50-car pileup. We all know who’s operating recreation right here! Lizzie even tells us about her illustrious career as an incarcerated prostitute entrepreneur. She had a system of siphoning funds out of her many, many “tricks” – men who apparently despatched her a sum complete of $800Okay over the course of her 10-year prison stint. All I have to say to this is: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT! (Also, um, congratulations…?)
But now Lizzie is a lady of the Lord, y’all! She’s finished together with her tips. She’s shifting on to more toothless pastures. She even dips into the confessional earlier than leaving church to unburden herself to the utterly traumatized priest. Okay – I don’t know a lot about confession, however I’d assume you don’t usually convey each bare t*ts with you into that sacred box.
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Brittany & Marcelino
It’s time for Brittany to return clean about her ex-girlfriend, Amanda. A deserted patch of land in the midst of nowhere is just the place to do it! Has this chick by no means seen Seven?!? As she slowly confesses her meet-up with Amanda at the lodge, Marcelino turns into enraged. He’s like, “IN MY SPACE? SHE INVADED MY SPACE?!?!?”
Brittany shouts at Marcelino to return back after he stomps away, but he’s too busy interrogating the digital camera crew. “Did you know about this? You HAD to know about this!” he accuses, scaring the bejesus out of whoever is filming this psycho.
Finally, Brittany is lifeless fallacious for maintaining Amanda a secret. But, um, Marcelino can also be a controlling nutbag who needs to skin and stuff this chick moderately than be in a relationship with an actual, stay human associate. Ugh! Why are these two making an attempt to make it work? I don’t get it. NOPE.
Megan & Michael & Sarah
Here’s one thing else I assume none of us get: How does Michael romance not one, but TWO, ladies from the confines of his jail cell? Further, how does he plan to extricate himself from the garbage dump of his sticky “situation?” THIS IS NOT THE FACE OF A MAN WITH A PACIFIC PLAN.
In Niagara Falls, Megan wakes up in post-coital bliss. “My legs are sore,” she giggles whereas Michael fills the digital camera crew in on “all of the ways” he pleased his lady final night time. (Please, somebody – anybody – kills us! For actual.)
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As they stroll across the Falls for his or her “first date,” Megan celebrates being together with her man for the primary time in public – and being a virgin no more. All of those Skype classes apparently paid off. Michael is a grinning idiot too. There’s only one hiccup in their good day: Michael has a wife again house who has been blowing up his telephone (that she bought him) ever since he disappeared.
Michael ignores Sarah’s calls. As an alternative, he focuses on his next move. He needs to suggest to his QUEEN. He even has a hoop to do the deed. Um, ‘scuse me? How and with what fundage did this man purchase a piece of jewelry? Also, who is paying for this hotel room? WEtv, we demand answers!!! We all know Michael couldn’t even afford that poncho at the bottom of the Falls.
Before he will get the prospect to pop the question, Michael creates a story about having to return house to examine in together with his parole officer. Deserted once more, Megan sobs in bed over how unfair the world is! Oh, lord. This chick actually has no concept how really “unfair” it’s all about to get when she finds out her fiance’s “parole officer” is actually a WHOLE OTHER FAMILY.
Tracie & Clint
If we really need to see how unfair the world is, look no further than The Household Clint. This bunch of confused souls is getting knowledge from Dr. Phil. Their son is nearly probably the most pathetic pile of ridiculousness we’ve ever seen on tv. But they reside in a stunning residence with tasteful backsplashes and high-end appliances. Why? WHY!
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Tracie continues to be on the lam after her 44th crack run, post-wedding day. But Clint hasn’t given up hope that his goddess will return! He tells his mother what occurred on the night time of their wedding ceremony. “I laid in her lap while she smoked some crack.” Naturally! (However real speak, you guys – can we get that sh*t on a t-shirt? This Cl-oetry virtually sells itself – and as soon as once more reminds us why every moment from Love After Lockup is a GOLDEN GIFT FROM HEAVEN.)
Clint’s mother is beside herself, reminding Clint that he can’t let a drug ATTIC destroy his life! Even Dr. Phil knows you’ll be able to’t go coping with no drug attics. Hmmph. Clint doesn’t care about Tracie’s “demons,” though. He needs to save lots of her from herself! Clint needs to be the person who all the time pays for her dangerous dye jobs and overpriced lingerie! He also needs his rental automotive back that he still hasn’t reported as stolen. Professional tip: You’re going to be buying that WHOLE rental automotive quickly, Clint. Report that sh*t, yo.
Even Clint’s ex-wife/boss/only-norman-person-in-this-mess knows that Tracie is a misplaced trigger. She tellss Clint to chop his losses and get out of this marriage. It solely lasted about 6 hours, in any case, right? The ex doesn’t need to see Clint go to prison for getting caught up in whatever the hell Tracie is up to out there on the streets. I imply, he definitely gained’t fare as well as most on MeetAnInmate.com. (You want to be able to write a profile for that, proper? In precise phrases?)
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Meanwhile, Clint is busy making this face and unsuccessfully monitoring his own telephone with Momma Clint’s telephone. Omg, you guys. I CANNOT. Afterward, Clint’s ex calls him at residence to deliver the news that someone from jail referred to as their work, asking for Clint. As if this is the perfect information ever, Clint fist-pumps into the air and shouts “Awesome!” when he finds out his spouse is locked up again. He doesn’t know what jail she’s in. He doesn’t even know what for. All he is aware of is that she really loves him and love can conquer all.
He additionally says that Tracie’s not a real monster as a result of when she stole his automotive, his telephone, his credit cards, and his dignity, she only took ONE of the 2 hundred dollar bills out of his pockets. In Clint’s world, this an indication of marital respect. In Tracie’s world, this can be a signal that the crack was messing together with her eyesight and homegirl didn’t see that different hundy in there. One thing is for certain: Nothing can destroy Clint’s blind optimism. I don’t know whether he needs to be smacked or shaken or Lego-man hugged. But, dayum! His massive boy juice glass is certain half filled with crack.
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Author’s Notice: Take a look at my podcast Pink Shade With Erin Martin for extra Actuality TV speak (Housewives, 90 Day Fiance, Exclusive Interviews & extra!). Obtainable on Acast, Stitcher, & iTunes! Go to pinkshadewitherinmartin.com for all hyperlinks.
TELL US: WHAT HAPPENED TO TRACIE? WILL MICHAEL TELL SARAH ABOUT MEGAN NOW? IS MATT EVER GOING TO GET A JOB? WILL LIZZIE MARRY SCOTT WHEN SHE FINDS OUT HE’S BROKE AS A JOKE? CAN BRITTANY AND MARCELINO MAKE IT WORK?[Photo Credit: WEtv]