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Hello, my name is ChrisTheEnchanted, and this is the first part of a series in which I classify the Hitman World of Assassination trilogy (and perhaps future games in the genre) as hilarious, cruel, smart, and so on, and explain why.
Today we’ll look at a violent assassination in Paris, a hilarious assassination in Marrakesh, and a devious assassination in Dubai. I’ll go through the criteria for each category and why I believe this murder falls under that category.
Paris is the capital of France. The lovely city of lights. And since we’re on the subject of lights (terrible segway, I know), the light rig drop is my choice for the greatest horrific death. For me, cruelty is defined as one person dying in a terrible or painful manner, or many people dying in a horrific or painful manner. This is accurate because when you dump the lighting equipment on Viktor Novikov (after shoving Sebastian Sato out of the way and creeping upstairs with a crowbar), it kills not just him but many audience members as well. If all the heavy glass didn’t crush you, you’d be ripped to shreds.
Morocco’s Marakesh. Dropping a toilet on the head of military leader Reza Zaydan is one that I find funny every time (and maybe a bit cruel in the more terrible to worse mood sense). The mild roughness of his attitude moving from bad to worse when you set it up by putting on an intercom behind several troops taking trash about him is the greatest part. You may be on the floor above when he approaches them and chews them out and kick a toilet on the edge of a hole straight into his head, killing him immediately from what I guess are brain and skull fractures. I understand if you don’t think this one amusing. I suppose you could say he had a bad ending.
United Arab Emirates, Dubai (or UAE for short). This is a smart murder since no one will suspect it, and they will essentially kill themselves as a result of your sabotage. Confused? Allow me to take a step back. Carl Ingram and Marcus Stuyvesant are your objectives. You’ll need a red beret security guard uniform and a kitchen knife for this murder, and you’ll need to get to a higher level where two guards are discussing the escape strategy. When they unlock the two glass containers containing the parachutes and sabotage them with a knife stab, tearing a hole in the chute and rendering it unusable. Then, in a security room, unlock the safe and take the escape keycard, which you may use to rapidly activate both readers, allowing them to go. They arrive at the helipad, but the pilot claims he wasn’t prepared and that the flight was supposed to take place the next day. After that, he proposed parachutes (which you sabotaged). They grab them and leap, but as the rip opens and air rushes through, they fall to their deaths, with (hopefully) no one noticing it was you.
Leave a comment if you have any ideas for kills you’d want me to discuss, or if you’d like to discuss these.
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For Hitman 2, write “Kill Review Part 1: Paris, Marakesh, and Dubai.”
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