How to Ask for What You Want

how to ask for what you want

To get what you need, you might have to ask for it.

Do you ask for what you need?  Most individuals don’t. They yearn, they hope, they trace, they usually drop obscure innuendos, but they don’t ask.

But a elementary fact in life is that it is by asking that you simply receive. In case you don’t ask, you don’t get.  This is applicable to the whole lot in life. Take a look at the following:

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  • In the event you’re in gross sales, you will have to ask for the sale.
  • Should you go on a job interview, you have got to ask for the job.
  • If you’d like a increase at work, you’ve to ask for it.
  • If you need to get more acknowledgement out of your loved ones for the belongings you do for them, you’ve got to ask them for it.
  • If there’s one thing that you simply actually need to get as a gift out of your spouse for your birthday, you’ve gotten to ask them for it.
  • When you need assistance, you might have to ask for it.

Whatever it is that you really want to achieve in life, it’s virtually certain that another person has something that you simply want in order to obtain it, and you’re going to have to ask them for it. Nevertheless, most people don’t understand how to ask for what they need.

This blog submit will show you ways to ask for what you want and improve your possibilities that you simply’ll get it.

Why We Don’t Ask for What We Want

Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, co-authors of the bestselling “Chicken Soup for the Soul” collection, wrote a whole guide as regards to asking for what you want.  It’s aptly referred to as “The Aladdin Factor”.

Canfield and Hansen consider that most people fail to get what they want–regardless of reading plenty of books on success and objective achievement–as a result of they skip the crucial step of asking.

But, why don’t individuals ask for what they need? In “The Aladdin Factor”, Canfield and Hansen indicate that it’s due to the next 5 causes:

1. Ignorance.  This encompasses several various things:

  • You don’t know what you want;
  • You don’t know what’s out there; and/or
  • You don’t understand how to ask.

2. Limiting and inaccurate beliefs. Many people consider that they don’t have to ask for what they need.

For instance, you could assume that for those who work onerous and get good outcomes for your organization, you’ll get a increase. Or you could assume that if your vital other actually loves you, they’ll be attuned to all of your wants and offers you what you want.

These beliefs are improper. It’s rare that a boss will supply a increase to an employee who doesn’t ask for it. And it doesn’t matter how a lot your vital other loves you, she or he is just not a mind-reader. If there’s something that you really want from them, ask them for it.

three. Worry.  Worry typically stops us from asking for what we would like. We’re afraid of rejection, of being ridiculed, and of wanting silly.

4. Low vanity.  One of many reasons that folks don’t ask for what they need is because they really feel that they don’t deserve it.

5. Delight.  There are some who really feel that asking for assist makes them look weak. They assume that they should have the ability to figure every thing out by themselves and discover a means to get what they need on their own.

How to Ask for What You Want

In order to get what you need, ask for it by doing the following:

  • Ask Someone Who Can Give It to You
  • Ask With Confidence
  • Ask Clearly
  • Come Up With a Good Technique for Asking
  • Ask Persistently

Each of these factors is explained under.

Ask Someone Who Can Give It To You

You want to assess rigorously who may give you what you need.  For instance, for those who’re considering of asking relations for financial help with a start-up, don’t ask your sister who is newly married and has simply began a household.

Even if she really needs to show you how to, until she’s very rich, she’s just not able in the mean time to offer you financial help.  In addition, don’t ask your tightfisted uncle who has never lent anybody a cent in his life.

If you ask for something, just remember to’re asking the suitable individual.

Ask With Confidence

Whereas it’s not a good idea to attempt to get what you need by making demands, if you ask for one thing you must seem confident.  You can challenge confidence together with your body language, your tone of voice, by making eye-contact, and by selecting the best words.

John Chow–from the blog John Chow dot com–explains that he has two buddies who needed to go to a conference that was arising.  Chow beneficial that they write to the conference organizers asking for a press cross.  The pal with the larger blog wrote the next:

“I was hoping I might obtain a free press cross to the San Francisco Advert:tech conference. I am an internet entrepreneur and blogger, and can be overlaying the event from my in style blog which has an RSS readership of over 1,400.

It is going to be my first conference ever attended, so I am a bit not sure as to how the method for press passes goes. Would I be right to assume that it might be equivalent to the Full Conference Cross?”

The good friend with the smaller weblog wrote the following:

“Whats up this is [insert name] from [insert blog] and I want a press move to cover Advert:Tech. I used to be notified by ValueClick and Google about your present. They stated we should always test it out.

Our website covers [Insert topic here]. See you in San Francisco.”

Who do you assume obtained the press move? The second, despite the fact that his blog has a smaller viewers. Ask as when you anticipate to get it.  Confidence goes a great distance.

Ask Clearly

Take the time to put together so that you simply’re very clear on precisely what it’s that you really want.  Then categorical your want as plainly and as instantly as attainable. The clearer your request, the extra probably it’s that the other individual can be in a position to meet it.

For example, don’t simply tell your spouse that you simply want for them to help out extra round the home.  As an alternative, inform them precisely what you need for them to do. Here’s an illustration:

“After dinner I need to get the kids ready for bed, so I would really appreciate it if you could clear the table and put the dishes in the machine.”

Come Up With a Good Technique

Earlier than asking, provide you with an excellent strategy for getting what you want.  Whenever you ask for one thing, you’ve to tell the opposite individual what’s in it for them. As Zig Ziglar says, “You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

For example, lots of people e-mail bloggers with a big subscriber base and ask them to link to their blog.  That’s a very dangerous technique.  Why would a well-liked blogger link to your blog when there’s nothing in it for them?

A a lot better technique is to find giant blogs that settle for visitor posts and write a wonderful publish for them (make certain to comply with their visitor posting tips).  That means, they get nice content for their weblog, and also you get a supercharged hyperlink again to your weblog.

As one other instance, should you’re going to ask for a increase at work, just remember to can show your boss that you simply’re value extra to the corporate than what you’re presently being paid. Do the next:

  • Have clear examples of the way you’re saving the corporate money;
  • Show your boss that you simply’re taking over duties that transcend your job description;
  • Have concrete evidence of the constructive influence that you’ve on the corporation.

Telling your boss, “I need more money because I’ve had some unforeseen expenses”, shouldn’t be going to get you a increase.

Maintain the next in thoughts as you create your technique for asking for what you want:

  • When and the place do you have to strategy the individual you’re going to ask for what you want?
  • What’s in it for them?
  • What language do you have to use?
  • What steps can you’re taking to make it extra probably that you simply’ll get what you’re asking for?

Ask Persistently

My sister has two little boys.  Certainly one of them is three-years-old.  When the three-year-old needs one thing, he unabashedly asks for it.

  • In case you tell him “no”, he needs to know why not.
  • If he can’t have it now, then he needs to know when he can have it.
  • If he asks for ice cream and is advised that he can’t have any, then he asks for chocolate milk.
  • If he’s additionally refused the chocolate milk, then he strikes on to orange juice.

As you’ll be able to easily guess, he all the time walks away with something.

The identical concept applies in gross sales.  Salespeople know that they’re in all probability going to be turned down a number of occasions before they make the sale.  Subsequently, they pay attention to the client’s considerations and then they struggle again by offering a special answer to the client’s drawback, or by addressing any fears they could have.

In addition, this idea applies to all areas of life. Whenever you ask, be ready to encounter some resistance. Then, as an alternative of backing away, cope with that resistance.

When you shouldn’t simply repeat your unique request like a broken report for those who’re rejected, as an alternative of giving up, start wanting for options. “No” means “not now”, “not here”, “not yet”, or “you need to change your approach”. It might additionally imply that you simply’re asking the fallacious individual.

Modify your strategy, discover the proper individual to ask, or wait for the proper moment. But maintain asking.

How to Get Over the Worry of Asking for What You Want

As was said earlier on in this submit, one of the causes that folks don’t ask for what they want is due to worry.

Perhaps you want to ask your boss for a increase, turn a piece colleague right into a pal, or ask a couple of associates to look over your small business opportunity.  First, you’ve to be prepared to be a bit afraid. You don’t have to give in to the worry, however you’ve to be prepared to feel it.

Then, as an alternative of claiming, “I’m afraid to do these things”, Canfield recommends that you simply provide you with a press release that reflects how you’re scaring yourself.  Your assertion might appear to be the next:

  • “I want to ask my boss for a raise, and I scare myself by imagining that he’ll say ‘No’ or that he’ll get mad at me for asking.”
  • “I want to ask my friends to look over my business opportunity, and I scare myself by imagining that they’ll think that I’m only after their money.”

Acknowledge that you’re creating your worry, and also you’ll start to conquer it.

A second strategy to getting over the worry of asking for what you need is one recommended by Marcia Martin–one of many unique pioneers of the Human Potential Motion.  She says the following:

“What I point out to people is that it’s silly to be afraid that you’re not going to get what you want if you ask. Because you are already not getting what you want. They always laugh about that because they realize it’s so true. Without asking you already have failed, you already have nothing. What are you afraid of? You’re afraid of getting what you already have! It’s ridiculous! Who cares if you don’t get it when you ask for it, because, before you ask for it, you don’t have it anyway. So there’s really nothing to be afraid of.”

Should you ask, you may get a “yes”. However in the event you don’t ask, you’ll all the time get a “no”. To get what you want, you could have to have the center to ask for it.

The Different Aspect of the Coin: Giving

As you start asking others for what you need, keep in mind that the flip aspect of getting is giving.

  • Should you’re going to ask somebody for help, why not help to someone who approaches you asking for recommendation?
  • If you would like to ask your partner to acknowledge all the work that you simply do around the home, why not acknowledge them for going out to work each day as a way to keep house with the youngsters?
  • Should you’re going to ask others for what you want in order to accomplish your objectives, why not share your assets with others in order that they will achieve their objectives?

Simply as others have belongings you want, you’ve things others need. If somebody asks for something affordable you can give them, they usually comply with the guidelines above, why not give it to them?

An Exercise to Assist You Begin Flexing Your “Asking Muscles”

Get started asking for what you want instantly. Just download the train I created for you under.


I used to be frightened of asking for issues. However I’m not anymore. Once I want something, I ask for it. Typically I get a “no”, but more often than not I’m given what I ask for. I attribute my high success fee to the fact that I comply with the process I laid out above.

Listed here are three things I’m going to ask you for:

1. Should you haven’t subscribed to my weblog, achieve this now and also you’ll be notified every time I publish an article with great recommendations on how to reside your greatest life.

2. Get The One-Hour-A-Day Formulation: How to Achieve Your Goals in Simply One-Hour-A-Day and transfer your most essential objective ahead in just one-hour-a-day.

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Stay your greatest life by learning how to ask for what you need.

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About the author



Sukhdev Singh is a Business management graduate, with superb managerial skills and leadership abilities. He always has an approach of “leading from the front” which keeps us all motivated and inspires us to work more efficiently. He has an incredible amount of experience in the blockchain field as he has worked with a Crypto start-up based on blockchain. His cheerful personality always lifts our spirits and always makes sure that the work at VerifiedTasks is top-notch.
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